This time, one year ago, I came home from open house at Edie’s school to several messages from my doctor, to please call him as soon as I got in. I had had a CT scan before meeting up with her & my husband to attend said open house and when I left the test, they said it would be 3 days before I heard anything. So imagine my surprise at getting the results so fast. I’ve heard that good news waits, and I can say, indeed, it does, because bad news travels at light speed as far as I’m concerned. It was literally, 45 minutes between my leaving the lab and the phone call. Talking to him on the phone that day, it was one of those moments where it was like a movie, where someone yanks the needle off the record all of a sudden, where you hear a big scratch and then it’s suddenly all silent and everyone is standing around looking at who just walked in. You know that scene. It was one of those moments for me. I had to hand Pat the phone because I couldn’t really comprehend what was being said to me. It was a moment that changed our lives forever. Thankfully, all turned out well, but it was a nerve wracking and terrifying few months. Over the course of those months, I learned who I could count on and who I couldn’t. It struck home what mattered and what didn’t. I learned doctors don’t know as much as they think they do and some of them can terrify you with their pretending they do. Doctors, even the best ones, make mistakes. Health insurance, the good kind like we have, is nice to have. It really should be available to everyone, regardless. I learned that if you really tell people what’s going on with you, they don’t always walk away. In fact, I ended up with a much better surgeon than my original specialists had recommended, thanks to friends who cared. I had never before leaned on other people quite so much, I’m not one to open up easily and quite honestly, it was terrifying for me. Members of my own family walked away, while I had friends rushing up to help. Most importantly, it changed me and just about everything about me, in an instant.
I am, slowly but surely, still finding my way back. I am still learning what my new stomach likes and doesn’t like. I lost my creativity there for a while and it’s coming back in spits and spurts, but isn’t entirely restored yet. I’ve gotten pretty lax about the state of my house – not that I was ever really super uptight about it, but I had my moments where I liked a clean house and frankly, I didn’t have too far to slide backwards in my lax standards, and yet, I did. I used to have alot more energy than I have now, I definitely lost some of it, but a few of my kinder friends have suggested it might be because I’ve turned 40 and not the results of losing part of my stomach. I’ve learned to tell the people I care about the most that they are just that, and more importantly, I’m learning to show them that. I’ve learned to let go of what I cannot control and that’s quite a bit. And just in case I didn’t get the memo, mother nature hit it home again to me twice this summer.
Sitting here, a year later, I look and feel a different person. I made a vow to myself to not forget the lessons I learned in what I went through and so far, so good. I’m ready to see what the next year brings. Great things I hope.